it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
