Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
