p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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