I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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