And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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