He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
