mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize