my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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