look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
