I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
