we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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