Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
