why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
