Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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