In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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