when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
