Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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