My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
COCAINE IS GR8
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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