i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize