dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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