I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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