the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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