You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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