You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
