mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
