dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
