My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
