i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
