Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
