Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
