Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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