i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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