if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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