no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
