I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
