meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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