Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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