I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
