Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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