I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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