Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
