I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
