i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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