once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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