there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
