so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
