Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
