Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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