Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
