I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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