And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
