Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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