He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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