i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
