Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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