he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
