so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
