I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
