I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
