i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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