so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
