Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
