i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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