Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
