When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
