Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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