I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
