the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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