hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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