where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
