just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
