Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
