He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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