i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
