if i can run in heels then i can drive
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
