So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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