all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
