And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize