dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
