Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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