hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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