I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
