I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
