You're my little dorito
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
