I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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