I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
