I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
